It’s week 4 of the self care challenge, mamas.
I hope that you are making *at least* one decision a day that is for you, that energizes your body or soul. Last week I challenged to incorporate getting out of the house into your self care routine. Did anyone venture out? It’s starting to be more like Spring here, which definitely makes it easier.
This week I’m talking about setting up boundaries for relationships and how that plays a role in self care.
Before even becoming a parent, I’m sure that you all had relationships in your life that you needed to set up boundaries for. These boundaries could be physical boundaries (limiting interaction with certain people), or boundaries you put in place for yourself (not trying to “fix” someone else’s problems and taking their worry on yourself).
Now that you are a mom, you have even less time, energy, and patience to spend time on relationships that are stressful (I’m using stressful as any relationship that is WORK for you, drains you, and does the EXACT opposite our objective of self care). There are some relationships that you can just put on hold for the time being, just limit your interaction. I’m going to classify these people as “fringe people”. Fringe individuals are people that do not have a direct impact on your every day life, they are people that if you go weeks without seeing, talking (or Facebook stalking) to them will not impact you (or them). It will be up to you how long you limit fringe interactions when you become a mom, it could be for the first six weeks, the first six months, or the whole first year.
The harder relationships to set up boundaries are those that DO directly impact your day to day. These can include grandparents, in-laws, people in your work place, or other moms in the Mommy and Me classes. Setting up boundaries for these relationships may require a conversation with your partner (so you have support setting up these boundaries).
Some ideas for setting up boundaries are:
Limit phone calls, text messages, etc. to once a week (or less).
Unfollow their Social Media feeds (if this is part of the stress factor).
Don’t allow these visitors in your home, always meet them at their house or somewhere public. This gives you the flexibility of leaving if the situation becomes too stressful for you.
Remember: just because you have boundaries set up for a certain time in your life (like immediate postpartum, or when you are navigating a difficult time) doesn’t mean these boundaries will be up the rest of your life. This is a season, a season of self preservation and self care, in this whole motherhood journey.
So, this week’s challenge: if you have relationships in your life that aren’t energizing (remember last week?) to your body or soul, then I want you to think about ways you can set up some boundaries for these relationships. If you feel comfortable, place a boundary on one of these relationships in your life this week (if you have to enlist your partner to help, thats ok!).
Here’s our challenge so far:
One decision a day that’s for you, that energizes your body & soul.
Try to incorporate getting out of the house as one of your decisions.
Think about placing limitations on relationships that aren’t “good” for you (right now..remember, this doesn’t have to be forever).