Holidays While Pregnant and Postpartum
The holidays can be stressful, add a pregnancy or new baby to the mix and it can be even more stressful than the “usual” holiday overwhelm. Candice of Lyla’s Birth and I discussed some things on our Facebook Live: Ask the Doulas that may arise during the holiday season when you are expecting or growing your family.
How do you manage creating your own traditions while incorporating your extended family’s traditions?
Tip: This can be difficult, and should be discussed way before the holidays. The first step would be to talk about the non-negotiables with your partner. That can be: a special breakfast as just you as a family, or not running around to a million different parties. Whatever it is that you (and your partner) aren’t willing to give up as a holiday tradition. Once this is decided, you can work backwards and filter in what you can/want to do from there. Recognize that there may be things important to your partner that aren’t as important to you, compromising will probably have to happen for both of you.
Tip: As soon as you can, set boundaries. It’s easier to add on activities then to take something away that people expect you to partake in.
Tip: Incorporate whatever fond memories you AND your partner have from your childhood. It can be sweet to share these traditions with your growing family.
Tip: If you have something that you grew up doing (i.e. family dinner) that now conflicts with another event or tradition, consider changing it to another night. Extend the festivities while still maintaining your traditions.
How do you deal with family members that don’t see eye to eye with on your parenting or parenting style?
Tip: If it’s an older relative/friend that isn’t supportive of your decisions, remember: they don’t have the same information/knowledge you have, out of touch with what is recommended now, and may feel guilty or uncomfortable with their decisions they made with their children. Most likely, it doesn’t actually have anything to do with you. Be forgiving, and try to brush it off best you can.
Tip: Talk about this with your partner/support person before it happens. Discuss the potential for remarks that may not be completely supportive with your partner. You both can be aware that it may happen, being prepared for it can make the difference between letting it get you down and letting it go. And, then you can commiserate about it after that family dinner with your great uncle.
Tip: Consider the source. Don’t let it get to you, you are a good mom. You’re child chose you, you are doing what’s best for you and your family.
Tip: People all have different ideas on how to raise a child, appreciate other’s paths as they should your own.
For Part 2: Tune in on Facebook on December 12th at 8pm!
For more Support:
Come to Birth Circle this Thursday, November 16th in Bridgehampton from 7-9pm.
Join Reality Tykes Facebook Group.